Hello. My name is
huiyi.
I've been blessed with wonderful friends, a perfect family and a rare boyfriend and I'm pretty much contented with my life. :)
The few months without school opened my eyes to a lot of things in this world that can't be bought with money, and I caught up with some friends,
lost contact with some others. But I'm still enjoying life as it is now. But i guess I'll be dreading the day school starts.
Right now I'm currently working as a tuition teacher with great kids that make me truly enjoy what i'm doing and makes my life a bit more fufilling than it ever could be.
And here, I just want to thank those who've made a difference in my life. Even those who has caused me anger before, becaues only it's only when i care for you that i can have such strong emotions towards you. :)
written at Saturday, October 13, 2007
I haven't been having visits from the blogging bug recently & it's probably due to the lousy colour combination of blogger. Terrifying. Nah.. It's probably got to do with the emotions that I've been going through lately. The past few months have been fast, zoom zoom and it's gone and I wished the past 10 months hadn't been that speedy that I haven't had time to correct mistakes and repair damages that I've mercilessly inflicted on everyone. Yes, I want to shelve the past 10 months of my life away - sweep it under the rug, throw it into the sea, cook it and feed it to someone, whatever it is, - I really just want to start life anew. really.
Yes, I've been freaking anti-social recently- in class, HC, ex-rvians.. hmm basically everyone that I know. With the grand exception of my family. Perhaps this absence from my social circle was beneficial in some sense. I was devasted being in a15 cos I thought myself as.. odd? I'm just not like others - not 'angmoh' enough, not pretty enough, not tall enough, and DEFINITELY not smart enough - and I guess this sense of differentiation of myself led me to ostracize myself, something that was never needed. And i feel myself doing it again in csoc - I'm not 'cheena' enough, not fluent in chinese enough.. just not enough for them. Then i start changing. Those who know me would realise that in my class/cca, I'm a totally different person. Usually i'm the siao, talkative and violent girl around people that i'm comfortable with, but the moment i meet csoc people i just kinda steel myself up. It's definitely unintentional, it's like a reflex that's extremely conditioned. I am sure that I wasn't born with this magnificent skill to react violently towards chinese high guys so I think it's a protection for myself to this new environment - something so similar to my class but nontheless at the other end of the spectrum. And somehow this invisible 'spectrum' seem to be apparent to me only like say.. after block tests. And sometimes to be placed in those 2 extremes really hurts. It's not the physical placing in that particular room (or maybe it is; the fact that csoc is in LEP room and hp is in Hp room), but rather the emotional pressure of wanting to be like them, and in the process be accepted. I could never understand myself;as usual.
SO. If I can finally understand myself and what i need to face up to, I guess I'll naturally feel a lot better than now. LOl. not that i'm in terrible emotional trauma now, but i just need time to recover or adapt. That's a hell of a time for me to adapt. 10 months and still not getting it ><>< the high temperature is giving me short term memory loss. ffffffffff
Profile
Important people in my life
Me and Guansen. :)
My family (at ben & jerry's dempsey)
My cousin (cotton candy at jp!)
friends, like yj, jane, nengz, sihui, andrea. Iloveyouguys :)
