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Hello. My name is huiyi.

I've been blessed with wonderful friends, a perfect family and a rare boyfriend and I'm pretty much contented with my life. :) The few months without school opened my eyes to a lot of things in this world that can't be bought with money, and I caught up with some friends, lost contact with some others. But I'm still enjoying life as it is now. But i guess I'll be dreading the day school starts. Right now I'm currently working as a tuition teacher with great kids that make me truly enjoy what i'm doing and makes my life a bit more fufilling than it ever could be. And here, I just want to thank those who've made a difference in my life. Even those who has caused me anger before, becaues only it's only when i care for you that i can have such strong emotions towards you. :)

written at Monday, April 30, 2007














written at Sunday, April 29, 2007

tomorrow will be eating day!!! :D

my sister has finally decided to treat us after her increment in pay :)))))) haha. our gain.

anyways.

hahaha. are you scared of me? cos it's like. i'm known for showing my affection with people. as in i don't hide my feelings often and you're the kind that tend to not know how to express how you feel. i guess we are opposites hor? but then don't mind me cos i treat people around me all the same: nice. unless you offend me or something. which is not really achievable by sleeping early. lol. but the thing is, i'm known for just acting the way i feel. in fact i've already kept a lot of my emotions to myself cos i'm afraid you'll get like. shocked. haha remember i ever said, i can't let people that know me so 'long' to see the real side of me or else they'll xiao dao. cos i tend to be over expressive sometimes.

hmms. actually it's been in my thoughts for quite long le. really like you, but i'm just trying not to show it! so that you know. everything will remain the same! :DDD but then yupps. i'm thinking about the future not just now! (((:

should i be taking econs or law? if i want to continue with overseas degree, i'll go to US/england for university. university of chicago or harvard. my ideal choices although getting in will be another question. -worries- if i'm taking law, i'll go cambridge or oxford or harvard. heard that US law degree cannot be practised in singapore. :/ then i'll be leaving so many things behind. my good friends, my best friends, you and my family. PLUS all other people that i'll miss so terribly. maybe that's why, i wished i didn't love like(the other L word is overexpressive?) you that much. then at least you know. i feel that i leave nothing behind. no regrets, no emotions, nothing. maybe if i didn't care about you that much, i won't feel the pinch when i leave. cos i'm pretty sure i'm leaving cos i know that yups, i am taking everything i want with me. at least everything that i can. even if it's other kind of leaving.

HEY HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER
i'm just a sms/phonecall/stone's throw away.
please whine to me, at least i know i mean something to you.
HAHA at least enough for you to whine to me :)

written at

tomorrow will be eating day!!! :D

my sister has finally decided to treat us after her increment in pay :)))))) haha. our gain.

anyways.

hahaha. are you scared of me? cos it's like. i'm known for showing my affection with people. as in i don't hide my feelings often and you're the kind that tend to not know how to express how you feel. i guess we are opposites hor? but then don't mind me cos i treat people around me all the same: nice. unless you offend me or something. which is not really achievable by sleeping early. lol. but the thing is, i'm known for just acting the way i feel. in fact i've already kept a lot of my emotions to myself cos i'm afraid you'll get like. shocked. haha remember i ever said, i can't let people that know me so 'long' to see the real side of me or else they'll xiao dao. cos i tend to be over expressive sometimes.

hmms. actually it's been in my thoughts for quite long le. really like you, but i'm just trying not to show it! so that you know. everything will remain the same! :DDD but then yupps. i'm thinking about the future not just now! (((:

should i be taking econs or law? if i want to continue with overseas degree, i'll go to US/england for university. university of chicago or harvard. my ideal choices although getting in will be another question. -worries- if i'm taking law, i'll go cambridge or oxford or harvard. heard that US law degree cannot be practised in singapore. :/ then i'll be leaving so many things behind. my good friends, my best friends, you and my family. PLUS all other people that i'll miss so terribly. maybe that's why, i wished i didn't love

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ahh.

i thought you'ld be around but you have to do your stuff.
another sad sunday. lol....

should i go bugis with them today?
if i go i sure come back later one lohhhh.
that means.. won't have chance to talk to you today? haha
but maybe you'll also reach home late.

sigh.

if i go i'll blog about it.
must remember to take more photos. don't waste the digi cam.

written at Saturday, April 28, 2007

sigh.

never wish to say good night/good bye to you...
wonder if you knew i ever felt that way. sometimes i know i don't say it out. but can you hear?

hear using your heart, not your ears.

but then, i know you have your own things to do, your own life, no?
so i'm learning le! :D i cannot be dependant. it happens everytime. i will start relying on someone. then i try to be independant. then i lean back onto you.

must stop me. k? lol.

plus.
not that i dun care. just worry about how u feel if i express how i feel.
yups

further plus:
i should get someone to fix the windows in my room. the wind was howling like hell last night. dammmmm loud. i couldn't even sleep. i woke up at 1030 and i think i slept only 3 hours. thanks to the wind, lousy windows and lightning(shivers). my eyes were closed and i could like see the lightning.

i finally realise how much i hate rainy days. >:/

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sigh.

never wish to say good night/good bye to you...
wonder if you knew i ever felt that way. sometimes i know i don't say it out. but can you hear?

hear using your heart, not your ears.

but then, i know you have your own things to do, your own life, no?
so i'm learning le! :D i cannot be dependant. it happens everytime. i will start relying on someone. then i try to be independant. then i lean back onto you.

must stop me. k? lol.

written at Friday, April 27, 2007

i had diarrhea today.

thanks to my mummy, she thinks that use-by dates are there for fun and have no meaning at all. one day pass the use-by date doesn't really matter.

NOT.

the stupid cause of this case of diarrhea is not even worth it. it's not like i'm eating 24k gold plated fishballs. but normal fishball with chilli bits in soup. O_O bleh. regret regret regret. i would love to entertain everyone with details of my bowel movements, but i don't suppose you people would want to know much about it, no? :b i'm so proud of how un-constipated i am - erm say 7 times today. erm colour? smell? taste? bleh. anyways, 2 small pills from the doctor did the trick. and a good tasteless meal for dinner. yum. -_-

i think i have a love hate relationship with my brother (warning: boring details ahead -yawn-)

he's so anal retentive at times! refuses to get his ass off his chair in front of the comp. makes my mother scream her head off (and as a result make me feel like using cellophane tape to shut her up) etc etc. you know those irritating things that brothers do. :/ he does them 100000x better than any other brothers to piss his younger sister off (who is, yours truly). honestly, why did the person up there even invent males. they're so... (lousy?troublesome?waste of resources? AH..)useless.

anyways, before he left the house just minutes ago, he came over and guess what, nuzzled+cuddled me. i almost fainted. i'm not really used to feeling close with my asshole brother, but somehow that action made him a lot more bearable and made me slightly more endearing towards him. then he asked me if i had any problems (like i would say i have) and said he'll do anything to help me. bleh. it's one of those "i feel like loving my sister for 15seconds" kind of feelings again. then the next day, we'll be screaming at and tearing each others hair out. or maybe cold war number 1084983456930?

wdv.
i'm starting to be happpy. :DDDDDDDD

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maybe.
like what you said.
remain things as it was. lol. if that answers your question. or else i know. things will be awfully awkward. you know what we said, we're happy with things the way they are now.

until you find your courage. but even if you do, i'm afraid i can't.

studied with gs econs today! abit no use. like never absorb in anything.

i'm starting to like french songs.
lol.
moi lolita.

written at Thursday, April 26, 2007

am i supposed to be happy, stunned or ???

was supposed to blog a lot about it but the truth hasn't sunken in yet. SO ODD. haha. i think i'm a little crazy now. must like, pinch myself before i can believe what happened. wth.

O_O.

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sians.
chao drama.

wanna die liao.
-__-

written at Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

I know for sure there's a place for us
I'm counting the days till I feel your touch
You come to me when I dream at night
When I'm with you it will be so right

If you could see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
Ohh ohh ohh
I'd be yours
You'd be mine
Ohh what will I dox4
If you could see the love in my eyes
You should know that I'm on your side
Ohh ohh ohh
I'd be yours
You'd be mine
Ohh what will I dox4

love that song.
from some japanese drama that i always cry to when i watch.
especially when i'm freaking emo now, and i'm typing this entry in my room and the song playing. dunno what to say. haha i'm feeling exactly that way:

I'm not really sure of the words to say
If only you knew that I feel this way
I wanna give my heart to you
Show me the way that you want me to

this song been absent in my memory for so long. but suddenly as i was bathing it just suddenly came into mind. maybe it's cos of it's melancholic tune. haha it's like, mayb there is hope, but even if there is i am still emo. cos. it's so right and so wrong at the same time.sigh.

shouldn't be emo
and btw, chinese songs are not the only ones that are meaningful!:)


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sometimes, i laugh at myself. only one word can describe the things that i do for love - ridiculous. maybe there are othe synonyms, but ridiculous seems like the most apt. grr. can't believe myself. -sigh-

i really must sleep at 10.30pm no matter what. don't care if i whine, moan or scream. haha, please put me to bed by 1030pm. although think sleeping early will be tongku, but i guess i really have to do that or else, will really fall asleep in school. and dream about unexpected things.

think i'm intoxicated. i dreamt about him. yah. cannot make it. must stop thinking. at this rate, i'll be afraid of falling asleep, cos it's so odd to dream about these sort of things.

i still hate saying goodnight. ): sigh

written at Tuesday, April 24, 2007

taking a break from econs. haha. government intervention - still don't really get the point. so is it supposed to be good or bad? :b

that's besides the point.

really want to have the ability to stop time. each time i meet you, my heart skips a beat but everytime i have to wave cheerfully and say 'bye' or 'goodnight' i wished, i didn't meet you at all. haha. guess the pain that comes with saying goodbye to someone is more than the pleasure. or perhaps the pleasure of spending time with you is so great that it hurts even more.

"i wish each night, the time would stand still." -> haha YES. i finally get what you mean. :D
unexpectedly, i feel, YUPS I'M HAPPY. impossible, BUT HAPPY :)

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do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
yes i want to spend the rest of my life with you.

do you want to see him every minute, every second of your life?
yes, i want to see you every minute every second every milisecond of my miserable life.

do you think you can live without him?
no, i think i can't survive a day without you.

can you imagine losing him?
no, i don't even want to imagine losing you.

do you want to stand by him, trust in him and comfort him; be around when he needs you?
yes, i do, i want to do my every bit for you.

-sigh-

gotta study hard already! missed so many days of school, must really catch up and i have to sleep early le. like 10.30 like that and i'm cutting down my time online. cos i need to pia my studies or else i'll end up as a road sweeper (my mummy's point of view - she is definite that i'll end up as one!).

you should go study too!

written at Monday, April 23, 2007

so miraculous.

how some people and some things can affect your entire mood for the whole day. haha, must learn to let go :) i don't deserve ___ .

feeling dam tired and sleepy. think it's the yao4.

zoning out.

written at Sunday, April 22, 2007

-arranges myself comfortably in chair-

erhem

have to destroy your entire arguement, give you some confidence. or perhaps i'm reminding you indirectly. but whatever, need you to gain your confidence! :D

那天空云很多看不见你的轮廓只剩下太多来不及说

不说出的温柔让你离开我

该说的时候早应该大声的说
那种认真的沉默
弄巧成拙

please lah, all these words you said you could empathise with it, but it's precisely telling you to admit it. dont' regret your actions please, cos i think i regretted some of mine too. just cannot bring myself to bring it up only.

then i start thinking to myself. how am i going to face up to reality. deal with my present situation. how to keep life normal. how to act as if nothing has happened. need to deal with 5meals a day. deal with pain.

dunno how to keep on smiling.
& it used to be so simple for me.

won't you lend me your shoulder to lean on? :(

written at Saturday, April 21, 2007

listening to 不得不爱 again.

shit, think that dam song is very meaningful to me now. but then yet, haha.. so many things uncertain.

haha, i'm getting worried for myself. recently the pains in my stomach getting more and more serious le.. today went to see the doctor and said that my stomach ulcer reoccuring.. dunno leh.. haha. never thought that it'll happen again. thought it was those one off things that will never happen again. cos they always say scary things only happen once in your life. at least for things like nightmares it's true. haha.... dunno how to treat this thing lightly. can only ku3 xiao4 :/

"i cannot cherish something only when it's lost. must cherish him now, when i have the chance. want him to be the one that i can relate to, be the one that i can spend all my life with. want to spend every minute of my life with him. can imagine living with him in the same apartment, same living space. to wake up in the morning and think of him without feeling heartbroken. to see him every day before i go to bed and the first person when i wake up. is that so difficult to ask for?" -- is this love?

written at Friday, April 20, 2007

dunno leh. unless i really made a mistake in my judgement? i don't believe so...

-SULKS-

written at

天天都需要你爱
我的心思由你猜
i love you
我就是要你让我每天都精彩
天天把它挂嘴边
到底什么是真爱
i love you
到底有几分说得比想像更快

是我们感情丰富太慷慨
还是要上天安排
是我们本来就是那一半
还是舍不得太乖
是那一次约定了没有来
让我哭得像小孩
是我们急着证明我存在
还是不爱会发呆baby

不得不爱,不知快乐从何而来
不得不爱,放下悲伤从何而来
不得不爱,否则我就失去未来

好象什么尤其不能自己很失败
可是每天都过的精彩
天天都需要你爱我的心只有你在
i love you 我就是要你让我每天都精彩
天天把他挂嘴边
到底什么是真爱
i love you 到底有几分说得比想像更快
rap
会不会有一点无奈
会不会有一点太快
可是你给我的爱
让我养成了依赖心
中充满爱的节拍
天天都需要你爱
我的心随有你在
i love you
我就是要你让我每天都精彩.

yah am totally in love with this song. the girl's voice is dam nice. when i listen to it, i feel a lot.. happier? haha think it's her voice very angelic. plus for once i actually bother about the lyrics. think i got influenced by someone already. but it's one of those songs that i just feel like listening over and over and over again. :)) WITHOUT WILBER PAN IN IT. :D

tomorrow's my first official huangcheng activity. damn, i'm supposed to look forward to it, but why am i not? suddenly i feel as if i'm not willing to commit anymore. just want to slack my 2 years in jc. haha i don't feel the urge to do my best already. maybe cos of the 'higher management'. DAMN CRAP. i don't know how to be tactful this time, but i just.. don't feel the urge anymore. don't feel like pia-ing le. i don't have the same pride for this school comparative to my other school. and the feeling sucks cos that bloody place is so concrete and totally lacks the feeling of... of.... of belonging i guess. 我每天都要精彩!!! not how i'm feeling now. -sigh-

written at

hmm i'm not entirely sure how i want to start this.

i can only say. SHE KNOWS and if she knows and she's not avoiding you, this means something as well right? haha. ok go figure.
-a whole lot of deleted junk editted for a 4th time. not sure if i should tell you a not. sigh
nevermind think u won't want to know. lol. i also dunno what i'm feeling now. all i know is that.
he's DAMN shuai. in my opinion. but that's all. you're still nicer. LOL

& being sick today.

hmm SO. i'm sick today. i think i haven't been eating my proper meals recently that's why and i feel awfully bad. as in, i don't think i should be skipping school so often. i must really get back on track in school. or else i think i'll just flunk.

must remember to apologise to mr barnard.

third time editing. :/
omg blog reading is like free entertainment. they sound really funny sometimes. ahah. i actually laughed out loud. :D

written at Tuesday, April 17, 2007

just read my sec school posts. those old old old ones like eons ago. haha in year 2003. i was quite surprised looking back at my life. it sounds too happy to be true. yet i know that those years were really that fantastic. even now in my memory, i still yearn to maintain that childlike innocence. whether i'm 17 or 71, i really want to stay in those few years in RV. those great people that made my life meaningful - beiru jiateng yujia guansen etc. class of 1/2 J and 3/4 E. they are like wheels to a bicycle. perhaps it's nostalgia acting up. but -sigh- want to be 14 again. relive all my dreams of a child. :)))

but then on the other hand. pretty ashamed of my past. haha perhaps i'm thinking too much, but i tend to feel that when pple know what i was like previously they'll probably hold a different opinion of me. how horrible i was last time. haha.. but nevermind, only real friends can accept what i'm like now without regard for the past right? RIGHT?

listening to 专属天使 now. and i just realised that ya, it's a meaningful song. haha. that day was walking around a departmental store with my mummy and the radio was blasting 听妈妈的话
and i think i was very touched by it. previously when one significant friend told me that it was meaningful, i was like "oh reallly?" haha i think i wasn't able to understand what jay chou was trying to say :p but after 2-3 weeks of hearing that song, checking out its MV and searching for its lyrics, think i truly understand what that song is trying to say finally. HAHA. damn slow, but whatever.

YESTERDAY WAS HAPPY DAY.
took neoprints haha, damn corny. i zou3 guang1 for most of the time cos was climbing around the monkey bars and stuff. shit, i'm getting dam zi lian. took like a lot a lot of photos recently. my next mission is to get a nice photo of me with glasses. think it'll be impossible. -sigh- will switch back to contacts. HAHA. but will be damn lazy to take care, scared that i'll go blind. :/ but still i tell you, I'VE NEVER FELT SO FAT IN MY LIFE. i've been eating out for most of my meals and it's all like fast food. e.g mos burger, macs, bK, pastamania(LOADS OF CARBOHYDRATES!!!), lambchop, fried chicken ETC. omg, the healthiest item i ate was at Indulgz at bugis, some butterfish thing that tasted alright. but anyways, their starters and bites are DELICIOUS. i ate so much that i almost couldn't fit into my jeans. GAH. should have taken photos. the most sinful was chocolate fondue and hagen daiz. omg. don't wanna talk about it, the more i say the more i feel like starving myself for another 10 days O_O

written at Friday, April 13, 2007









written at Wednesday, April 11, 2007

cannotmakeit

dam emo now.
think i'm too easily affected. feel like crying.

cannot.

this is one of those post which i'll look back one day and wonder why i made it cos it utterly makes no sense at all.
which makes it apt, cos i'm feeling no sense at all.

"it's been so long since i felt this torturous feeling.
must be called love."

written at Tuesday, April 10, 2007

sians.
life is getting more fast paced le.

so many projects on hand now. sometimes feel a bit regretful. my life is currently at this stage where everything is about datelines. i'm beginning to get confused. what am i supposed to do, and where am i heading????

written at Monday, April 09, 2007

hmm. my life is filled with disappointments.

i hate getting lied to. although i don't show it much, but i know everything that you've been telling me is untrue. dunno leh. i didn't expect that i'll even be affected by it. admittedly, i thought it was a small issue, not a huge one that i could never forgive you. but seriously, a minute incident is enough to cost you ALL my trust in you. how can we work together and bring the group to a "greater height" if i can't even trust you personally as a person.

disappointment aside, i would think that i screwed up for cip exco interview. think i was too emo and i went home to slp for 3 hours. :/

sigh.

written at Sunday, April 08, 2007





written at Saturday, April 07, 2007

-sigh-

a well derserved break finally. feels so relieved.
have been an emotional roller coaster ride. i'm glad it's all ending soon. but then knowingly, it'll be a new beginning. :(

had a good heart to heart talk with my cousin. realised that we are both in the same boat, just that my circumstances are a lot better than hers. i don't think i'll ever understand how she feels but think she's at least happy now. don't rush things yo. take it slow. usually happiness find it's way to you when u take things slowly. get to know him and meake ur decision then. :) nothings too late since you're still young.

huangcheng 07 is coming to an end soon. and 08 is starting v v v soon. -sigh- dunno to be happy or glad. happy that i'm part of the huangcheng 08, or to be sad that it's the end of a beautiful process. either way, i'm glad i'm a huangcheng ren :D that's all i can say, it's the best i can say to prove my passion to huangcheng, i'm a member, a very proud one.

confused. confused.
dunno what to do.
feeling dejected. but must get used to it.
jiayou bah huiyi, you can do it. :D

written at Wednesday, April 04, 2007





written at Monday, April 02, 2007

i tend to say that i don't really care.
i don't really want to be something i'm not.
i say i don't care what others think.
i say i want to be the saint, sacrifice to make others feel happier, more wanted.

but somehow i think it's dam difficult to do what i say
i used to say i won't be stepped over. to be abused by friends.
hmm, i wonder if i managed to satisfy that ?

this is going to be another one of those posts that when i read back, i will be wondering what the hell was i thinking when i wrote it. BUT WHAT EVER.
i just need an outlet for me to express my grief.
haha.

written at Sunday, April 01, 2007

have you ever wondered how it feels like to really regret somethings that you've said before? haha i have. and many a time, i wished i could like gobble up every single word that i regret saying. all those sentences that i said to hurt people that's closest around me. those that pierce through their heart. :( i wished that life was like that.

"sticks and stones may break bones, but words can shatter a soul."

haha how true. sadly i never realised it recently.
but sometimes, the lack of words can break ones heart too.
i'm sorry i've been spending less time with you recently. i know i'm supposed to, but so many things been happening and i really need my own time to sort out my feelings. the mournful things happening recently are enough to keep me awake at night these few weeks. the only consolation that i have is that the people around me are having a great life. so cheerup, and please ignore me, cos looking at me sulk will probably just make you feel more upset.

all that f-word that i've ever said, all my criticism, all those verbal abuse i threw at my juniors (which is required really) i wish after i said them i could keep them all back but i guess words are like feathers. you put them on the road to mark your trail, but it'll just all fly away - no way to collect them back. there's so many analogy about said words but honestly, if those were untrue, we wouldn't be using them, talking about them all the time. to a certain extent i'm sure that we all regret something that we said in our past.

i'm regretting it now.
not so 'past' but rather a 'recent past'
haha. i wished i didn't say it. cos perhaps the ending would have been different.
it's like one of those games that you choose a decision each time you move ahead one step.
i wished i had taken the other step and NOT say it out.
-sigh-

"in life, there are no erasers. what you've said and written in your book of life can never be deleted."

written at

like you all know. when i blog at night at these ridiculous hours of 2am. something must be wrong and it is.

i'm so dejected just one phrase i'm like
totally wanna die man.

i think it's been long i felt such heart ache. i think it can only be felt when true love is around?
haha ridiculous but true.
never mind not possible cannot think about it liao.

honestly over and done with it.
i need to step out of this dream which lasted for 2 weeks.
this wonderful dream, but time to snap out of it and head back to reality.

):

Important people in my life
Me and Guansen. :)

My family (at ben & jerry's dempsey)

My cousin (cotton candy at jp!)

friends, like yj, jane, nengz, sihui, andrea. Iloveyouguys :)

Put your codes here.

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I would like to thank the following people